Open Apology to the Young Driver I Irritated

Dear Young Woman in the Buick, (Dear Chick with the butt hanging out of your mouth),
I am so sorry for going the speed limit. (Why the heck did you feel the need to ride my bumper?)
Perhaps it was the bass of the radio that was inspiring you to drive faster. ( If I liked to have my car vibrate, I would have signaled to you to play your music even louder.) I was so happy that the on ramp that we were going to share had two lanes. (I was psyched to see you pull up along side of me to see who you were, you were so much cooler than I, since you chose to smoke your butt instead of stealing a glance at me, that's right, the uncool mom in the minivan) It was even better that we were first in line at the light. ( I really wanted to see how fast you thought you needed to go to be in front of me at the merge.) Wasn't it fortunate for you that the lane was was empty so that you could be first on the highway? ( I enjoyed watching you speed up the lane all by yourself and looked behind me to see the traffic spread out normally). What a shame that when you got on the highway that there was traffic. ( Seeing you 1/2 mile ahead of me tailgating the oil truck kind of irritated me, b/c I here I thought I was special....) Obviously you had places to go. ( Seriously, I kind of feel bad, between the tailgating, smoking and really loud music, I figure you need to go fast since your life will be statistically shorter given your lifestyle.) I hope you arrived safely. ( I hope you realize that you are not the only one on the road.)
Sincerely,
Minivan Mom

(Does sarcasm work in parenthesis?)